Friday, February 29, 2008

Nissan Says Nein to the Fast and the Furious!!

This gem supposedly comes from the new Nissan GT-R owner's manual! My Kanji is a bit rough, but the last two characters on the 1st row say something about design (Kai of kaizen). They are basically saying, don't mess with the GT-R's awesomeness by putting coffee-can mufflers, Chapparal-style wings and DTM splitters on this engineering masterpiece! Go Nissan (except I don't like their draconian anti-track measures)

Check out the GT-R Demolishing both the GT3 AND 911 Turbo
AutoCar one two
Car one two

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Hoff Has a Posse

The Hoff Has a Posse!

Wall to Wall KR Coverage continues below with a much better updated opening than what they put together for the movie.

The New Knight Rider, Was it On, or was it HOFF?

Monday, February 18, 2008

Turkish Knight Rider & GITT

Now that the real Knight Rider is back, albeit without Turbo Boost, I was searching around the InterWeb for my KR fix. These commercials are brillant! There are several out there and when I track down more translations I will post them!

Translation: BY OYUMURTACI (I found the translation through Jalopnik)

Cem Yılmaz: What's this guy doing man? Flash him the sign!
GITT: He's on the right bro. (yes ağabey/abi means older brother, but used in the slang context 'bro' here).
Cem Yılmaz: Looky looky looky...
Cem Yılmaz: Open that thing let's see what he has to say.
Douche: You keep screaming 'OPET OPET' in the commercials but so far we ain't seen nothing from you Mike.
Cem Yılmaz: O RLY. (ok that was admittedly my touch)
Douche: Give the car the credit it's due, step on it!
GITT: Here's the crowbar.

Cem Yılmaz: Don't play his game, put that away.
GITT: I think he's crazy.
Douche: You're fake-ass dreamer man, I can take those keys from ya.
Cem Yılmaz: We'd like to see young people like you on the tracks.
Douche: Enough with the socially responsible messages, I'm tellin you I'll get those keys from you Mike. Don't go crying OPET afterwards though.
Cem Yılmaz: Follow me then...
Track announcement: The race will begin shortly, please remove your children from the track.
Douche: You just had to emphasize OPET here didn't you.
Cem Yılmaz: Looky here, let's fill you up with some Full Force too, or you'll be crying at the end.
Douche: These shenanigans stink of advertising Mike, there's no need for this.
Cem Yılmaz: Wait for me at the finish line. Now you're gonna see advertising for ya...

(Dials labelled: Gas (as in LPG which is very widespread here in Turkey), Wheat, Bran, Full Force)

At the end of the race:

Douche: The asphalt cried for mercy man.
Cem Yılmaz: No spinning, no spinning (as in spinning the foosball rack, usually a direct indicator of über foosballness. If you spin the players to hit harder, you're a zit that needs popping) Hey plush you made it! 5 to nothing (to the mechanics). Get this guys keys and put his ride next to the other victims.
Mechanic: Excuse me sir.
From the bleachers: Give the car the credit it's due!
Cem Yılmaz: He's talkin to you.

BY OYUMURTACI AT 02/15/08 10:49 AM

Translation, just because there are small nuances that kinda make it even better:

Cem Yılmaz: Darn that toilet was so clean I couldn't bear to use it. Open your own door alreay...
GITT: There's a new mission bro.
Cem Yılmaz: Alright lets see it. Shove it GITT (he actually says 'bastır git' which could be considered polite profanity for 'fuck off').
Cem Yılmaz (reading the list): 1 Kilo mincemeat, 2 kilos of potatoes, 40 watt bulb.
GITT (in a questioning tone): 40 watt?
Cem Yılmaz: Cherry tomatoes, buy these from Migros (grocery chain, comparably probably to Wall Mart/K Mart in the U.S.) what the hell is this?
GITT: Isn't this supposed to be an OPET commercial?
Cem Yılmaz: Yeah.
Cem Yılmaz: Basket mode GITT.
GITT: Not on the first adventure man...
Cem Yılmaz: Well what, should I become a basket?
GITT: Fine, here!
Cem Yılmaz: Easy, no turbo. No turbo. You go for the mincemeat, I'll get the rest.
Cem Yılmaz: Cherry tomatoes, potatoes, and I'm Mike.
Cashier: Do you have a Migros Club Card mister Mike?
Cem Yılmaz: Let me see, heh heh heh.
Cashier: You can use the points that you have accumulated from this purchase when buying gas from OPET.
Cem Yılmaz: OPET? If this stuff turns into gas at OPET, let's make the potatoes 5 kilos heh heh heh (cheesy craptastic attempt at hitting on the cashier, hence GITT drives away).
Cem Yılmaz: The car's gone. The car was borrowed man.
Voiceover: Win points at Migros, spend them at OPET. Win points at OPET, spend them at Migros.
Cem Yılmaz: We're coming from Migros, gonna buy some gas. Give a hand to these friends of mine. Everyone get their favorite gas! Did you see a black car come through here? Talking? Red lights?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Better Living Through Massive Infrastructure Spending

This is a highly entertaining look into the future from post-war America. A couple humorous takeaways:
1. Radiant Heat will keep the highways dry- Think of the energy required for that!
2. Atomic powered tunnel machines will bore through mountains- That sounds a bit dangerous.

Many of the predictions have actually come true:
1. Backup Cameras
2. Navigation screens/guidance
3. Shipping containers- These appear to have been a new technology in the mid-50's
4. Obesity- Although they didn't come out and say it, citizens of the future lived a sloth-like existence where they only needed to walk from the house to the moving walkway or car.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Hillary, Save those tears for the Concession Speech!

Hillary wants to get the most mileage out of her acting lessons that have made her so good at crying on demand. This is the third time in a string that started in New Hampshire and appeared to set her on the way to winning the nomination. She would be better served saving those tears for her Concession speech!

Photo Caption: Democratic presidential hopeful, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., wipes her eye as she listens to a disabled U.S. veteran in the audience tell his story during a campaign stop at The City of Lewiston Memorial Armory in Lewiston, Maine., Saturday, Feb. 9, 2008.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

"Hardware Problems" Spawn a Chinese Britney

Zhang Ziyi was dogged in the press for lip-synching during CCTV's Chinese New Year's coverage. (on a happy note, I now receive CCTV-9!! Brings back Shanghai memories!)

Check out the story here.


Movie Review: CloverWitchProject

Have a lot more money to spend on your movie poster than the actual movie itself? Think most people have blocked the Blair Witch Debacle from their minds? Can’t find a scab to write a script? Well, if all of the above are true, it sounds like you are destined to make Cloverfield 2 (I have actually heard people talking about a 2nd stab at this ill conceived movie).

I have to admit, I was very excited to see Cloverfield. I don’t really get into monster movies, but I heard people throwing around the words “horror” and “scary”, so I thought I would give it a shot. The commercials were interesting but had traces of Blair Witch all over them with the jerky camera and no discernable plot.

The beginning is very Blair Witch with a militaristic/CIA style screen stating the camera was recovered from the area formerly known as Central Park. At this point, I have high hopes. I know I am in for an hour and a half of jerky camera action, but I want to see wide spread terror.

In stead, some no talent hack takes the camera and starts fawning over some girl that looks like a mix between a movie zombie and Joan Jett. We are at a going away party for a thirtysomething fast tracker who is off to, get this, Japan! High fives all around the control room for the homage to Godzilla! Things rapidly deteriorate as we burn time in a desperate attempt to stretch things out to 85 minutes (how many of that is credits?). The camera man learns that our hero, who has dreams of sake dancing in his head, has recently, get this, had sex with one of his close friends. Now giddy, the cameraman gleefully spreads this sewing circle gossip around the party until, finally, the earth shakes and the power flickers. Now its on!

There could have been literally 100’s of cool things that would have happened at this point. What does happen is the monster makes its way into frame on the street outside and casually tosses the head of the Statue of Liberty into the street. Realism seems to take a backseat at this point because I did not hear one person mention that head. You know in a real amateur video, someone would state the obvious and start pining on about how that was the head of the Statue of Liberty and “Oh, that must be heavy”, etc…

Well, because the girl our Japan bound hero recently had sex with decided to leave the party early, he gathers up a rag-tag group to run upstream against the massive evacuation of Manhattan and head into the maelstrom. Blah, Blah, Blah. Find girl impaled on something, carry girl out. Expendable cameraman eaten. Helicopter ride to safety. Some kind of flash (a comet or spaceship or something) to insure a sequel. End of horror tape, cut back to pre-monster dated Coney Island tape, role credits.

Lame, but at least I didn’t pay to see it. I have to admit the action was great and pretty realistic on a tight budget due to the handheld cinematic style. Unfortunately, the story was as lame as the Blair Suck Project and the hype surrounding the movie was almost as great. If you have seen the movie, you will admit my cobbled together review was more thought out than the script.