Grocery Store Rules of Engagement

During these trying times of political turmoil, can we come together as a country to define proper check-out lane etiquette?

I am sick and tired of being glared at when I don't invade someone's personal space, push them aside, and grab the rubber divider so the clerk will stop scanning items like an automaton after the 30th bottle of baby food and then reach for my case of Hefeweizen and a box of cereal. I have a look about me that exudes cereal and beer and I am confident the clerk will pick up on these traits.

If you are someone that needs the extra security a rubber check-out divider provides, it is solely your responsibility to locate and position said divider. Don't glare at me when I nonchalantly place my gallon of milk on the conveyor without a divider. I fully understand the risks involved.

So America, Remember, It is your responsibility to place the divider in front OR behind you.

Audi's Desperate Product Placement

Ok, so all the mainstream comic books have already been made into moderately successful franchises (Batman, Spiderman and Superman). Then came the lesser known properties from Marvel's stable (Ghostrider, Some guy with a target on his forhead, the Fantastic Four, etc)

Now the basement of Marvel has been mined for another script to be made into a semi-successful "blockbuster".

Audi decided to pony-up big time for the long build-up to the movie that started with a Superbowl ad that briefly shows an R8 in Ironman's garage that is filled to the brim with exotics.

The R8 is an incredibly beautiful and rare car that does not need to be marginalized by an appearance in a crappy comic book movie. Hopefully they are contractually protected if Robert Downey Jr. decides to have another meltdown before this film opens.

Edit: I just discovered Jon Favreau directed Ironman. I loved Swingers & Made and hope the film does well for him although I am still over Marvel live action movies...

Google Streetview Keeps the Comedy Rolling

First there was the Mercedes crash, then the dumpy house, now there are multiple car crashes and now this kid falling off his bike. Streetview is Hillarious!

Portishead, Why all the hype?

I am SO over Portishead these days. Ok, ok, they are back together after a long hiatus, BUT were they ever a real force to begin with? I bought Dummy back in the day, but Portishead re-uniting to play in the desert for a bunch of hippies is not NPR/LAist/KROQ worthy.

Do you smell what Barack is cooking?

Its a sad state of affairs when the president is reduced to pandering for approval by appearing on "Deal or no Deal." But it is even worse when the candidates appeal to the country's lowest common denominator by taping messages for professional wrestling.

Here is what the future leader(s) of the free world had to say to the sub-NASCAR constituency. I wonder if Hillary thought of anymore sniper stories after working with the writers in pro-wrastling?



"Tonight, in honor of the WWE, you can call me Hillrod. This election is starting to feel a lot like `King of the Ring.' The only difference? The last man standing may just be a woman."



"To the special interests who've been setting the agenda in Washington for too long and to all the forces of division and distraction that has stopped us from making progress, for the American people, I've got one question: Do you smell what Barack is cooking?"


"Looks like Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama want to celebrate their differences in the ring," Well, that's fine with me, but let me tell you: If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man. Come November, it'll be game over. And whatcha gonna do when John McCain and all his McCainiacs run wild on you?"

SWPL: Stuff White People Like

This post has been a long time coming and it will struggle to live up to expectations. S-train made me aware of the amazing blog, Stuff White People Like it is an amazing blog with spot-on observations and sound write-ups.

During the days that followed our discovery of this blog, we compiled an addendum to the list that the site is more than welcome to borrow from. My Dvorak slowed typing will not allow me to make write-ups at this time, but I intend to re-visit some of these topics in the future.

1. Seattle
2. Collaboration
3. Zoos/Synthetic Natural Habitats
4. Dinner Cruises
5. Pontoon Boats
6. Wine Country
7. Pug Dog mixes*
8. Winter Sports
9. Birkenstock's
   
10. Vintage Cars
11. the Cosby's
12. Consumer Reports
13. Antiques Roadshow
14. Cheese
15. NCAA Brackets
16. NBC Thursday TV
17. Office Pools
18. Hard Rock Cafe
19. ipod covers
20. Digital Cameras- Especially talking about deleting less than desirable photos but in actuality saving EVERYTHING
21. Vinyl (records)
    
22. Nice names for the bathroom
23. Trader Joe's
24. Stocks
25. Balsamic Vinegar
26. Travel Woes- Delays, Overbooking, etc
27. Not Using Vacation-Specific to Americans
28. Jet Lag
29. Mediocre restaurants
30. Chinese Characters
31. Swedish Pop Bands
32. Convertibles
33. John Hughes Movies
34. Up and Coming Eastern European Cities (Prague & Budapest)
35. Ray Bans/Maui Jim Sunglasses
36. Fast Food with a Small Diet Coke as a Justification
37. Real Estate
38. Catalina Island

Fashion Tip #1

This one is so straight forward, I hesitate to even mention it. Ladies, men think your expensive Louis Vuitton bags look like crap. There really isn't a way to sugar coat this. All men are shocked to discover that tired looking, dingy dark brown bag wasn't a gift from your grandma that you really are ashamed of but love your nanee too much to throw it out.


Understand there are no men that you are into that think that thing is attractive. If they knew how much you paid for it, they would start fantasizing about the PS3 WITH Grand Theft Auto they would have spent the money on.

The only men impressed are probably the gay designers that dream that crap up and pass it off to you... I hope this image is a fake!

Great Plate!

Some Aussie slipped this one by the California DMV, Mate!

Customer Service: Phone Call Time Wasters

Does anybody still input ID numbers when prompted during customer service calls? Remember some of the excuses they would give after you had entered your 16 digit credit card # only to be asked to repeat it when you finally get to a live person?

My favorites:

• The system must be down today
• I lost that screen

What are some of your favorites?

DVORAK is HARD!!

I have so many things I want to write about, but have been recently crippled by an attempt at increasing my typing efficiency. I completely switched to the DVORAK layout last week and am in kind of a no man's land right now. I know where all the keys are, but I have to actively think about every keystroke. I have completely forgotten the QWERTY layout and am in a sad state of tortoise speed typing.

The most annoying thing is I find myself editing what I want to say in hopes to simplify my keystrokes.

Although I am frustrated right now, I am confident this is the right thing to do. The keys are much more logically laid out. I used to be able to type out words phonetically with my fingers with my mind doing very little legwork.

Questions:
1. How do I globally change to DVORAK? Right now I have to change the keyboard settings for each program i use.
2. How can I map my keys so Control+C, X and V etc. are associated with their QWERTY locations? Using these keys in their DVORAK locations is inconvenient
3. Any suggestions for DVORAK exercises to improve dexterity?

THANKS!

11/18/08 Update: I have finally exceeded my typing speed with QUERTY prior to switching to DVORAK! I am in excess of 45 WPM corrected for accuracy according to TypingTest.com. Typing is much more fluid with DVORAK. The only downside is using other people's computers. When I go back to QWERTY, I am almost completely lost. I can type my logins & passwords in QWERTY, but that is about it. Overall, I think if you are adventerous and a bit eccentric, take the dive. Embed a photo of the DVORAK keyboard in your desktop wallpaper and don't look back!